Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
