it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
