Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
