I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
