OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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