What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
