I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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