Swine flu. Run for my life!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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