whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
