Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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