Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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