fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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