You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize