When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
