woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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