my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
