omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
