I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
