Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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