How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
