I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
