FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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