Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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