He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
