I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
