my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize