I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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