There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
