i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
