WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she told me i tasted like america
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
