On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
either way he was missing a nipple.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
