he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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