good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
