Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Panties = found
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
