Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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