You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
