Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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