Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
In other news, I just burned my penis
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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