"it" just moved
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
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Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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