nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize