I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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