I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
