omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.