I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you never un-have a 4some