duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Operation Purity has been aborted
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts