he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
