I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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