At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
