Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
