She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
