I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
