You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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