is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
