you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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