Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize