we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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