the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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