This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
