I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
