PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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