Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
