When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
