Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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