Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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