It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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