she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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