I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
