Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
