...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
