Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
