Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
