I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
