Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
