So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
