Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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