I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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