Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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