I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
